All Identities are Protected by Nicknames

Nickname: Yosemite

platy — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 06:59:10 +0000

Well, it turns out I did sleep with the person I thought I might be leading on. He invited me to Yosemite National Park with him. He was very hesitant about making a move, but finally did. I was basically laughing at his ineptitude and then he finally got it. At first I was somewhat underwhelmed by the experience, but it did get better the next weekend. It’s a little awkward because he knows my friends. I will just have to wait and see what happens.

Leading Someone On

platy — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:32:37 +0000

I have been socially hanging out with someone I met as a friend’s/friend’s fiancee’s friend. I think we were originally introduced as a possible set-up, but more along the lines of, “well, these two people are single, it couldn’t hurt to have them meet.” I saw him a few times via those friends, we exchanged two emails, we then chatted a bit on gmail. He then invited me hiking with a group and I went. A few weeks later, another hike, but this time, everyone else had to cancel, one person at the last minute. We hiked for a bit and we had dinner (he insisted on paying). At this point, nothing has happened and it’s not clear to me if I am attracted to him or not. I expressed some concerns to one of my old-school girlfriends, particular since I met him through friends. Her take on it was that I wasn’t leading him on since I wasn’t sleeping with him/nothing physical had happened. I had the sudden realization that my values have completed shifted. I no longer consider sleeping with someone leading them on (i.e. thinking it might be a relationship). However I was worried that I was leading him on into thinking there was relationship potential, when in fact, I am not sure I am attracted enough to him to sleep with him. Sigh. Why isn’t life simpler? It reminds me of advice given by Miss Information on nerve.com. She answered a question about knowing if someone is “the one” as: “Ask yourself, is this guy smart? Do we like the same stuff? Do I empathize with his feelings? Does he empathize with mine? When I look at him, do I want to fuck his brains out?” I think I have decided that the last one is vital and I can’t be involved with someone if I don’t have that deep level of attraction. And I want all the other ones too. I still haven’t quite gotten over the previously . . .

One more visit with the Chocolate Salesman

platy — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 05:11:12 +0000

I saw him one more time. I feel better after this visit. Odd. That’s it, I swear. From here on out, it will be too complicated.

“Never Again” to the Chocolate Salesman

platy — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:53:37 +0000

I did agree to meet him one more time for dinner, and unsurprisingly, the usual happened. But that was the final goodbye. I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. His life is a mess and he has no clue what he is doing. I have found that the Kelly Clarkson song Never Again resonates quite strongly with me right now. The thing that makes this hard for me is that he was the first guy in a long time that I actually had feelings for. Even though I was clearly going to get hurt, I somehow couldn’t stop myself. I take very little comfort in the fact that I was correct in thinking that this whole thing would end with my getting hurt.

Goodbye to the Chocolate Salesman

platy — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 22:49:34 +0000

It seemed like too much time had passed and I hadn’t heard from him. I was beginning to think he didn’t want to see me again. Well, I guess what he really wants is irrelevant right now. He knocked up some girl and he is going to marry her. Part of me genuinely wishes him happiness. But on the other hand, I wonder how he could have been so stupid. I’m also angry, upset and hurt. I wonder if it is even his. Part of me hopes he is miserable. Life goes on. Addendum: He did admit it was his own stupidity and had nothing to say in his defense. That makes me both mad and sad.

New Order = Chocolate Salesman

platy — Tue, 08 May 2007 03:51:43 +0000

My friends keep asking questions about what I am doing, so I do admit that I have not been sitting home by myself. My one friend starting guessing his occupation and this was the most amusing one.

Confusion with New Order

platy — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 06:05:37 +0000

I received an email from New Order that totally freaked me out. He said he was “seeing someone” where he lives semi-permanently. I was very upset because I thought this meant he didn’t want to see me in that naked way but somehow still wanted to meet up as friends. WTF? The depth of my reaction really surprised me. But I decided to be brave and agree to meet him. In the course of email correspondence, I decided he must not be seeing the other person exclusively. And I was right. Ahh, what fun. I’ll get one more visit in before he leaves again. But I feel like should have some sort of conversation with him discussing this. I’ll have to find out if I am brave enough to bring this topic up.

Disappearing Palm Reader

platy — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 06:01:52 +0000

Palm reader was out of town and then was sick and I haven’t seen him in six plus weeks. I then blew him off because New Order was going to be in town the next day. And I won’t have time to see him next weekend either. I now just need to find a way to end this appropriately. It’s not that I dislike, and hanging out with him is OK. But that is the problem it wasn’t great.

The Tattoo of New Order

platy — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 21:10:54 +0000

Hah! I think I was lying to myself in the last post. I did see him one more time this trip. And there were several other thoughts that floated around in my head between the two visits. One was a reflection on his tattoo, it was finally light enough in the room for me to realize it was a rose. That makes me smile even now. I did get confirmation that he will never permanently live in this area again, which I more or less knew, but there is no definite time frame for this to occur. I still feel like I want to see him again, but why? This isn’t anything, I don’t tell me friends about it and it just makes me waste time. The upside is that I won’t be confronted with the reality for probably 4+ weeks.

Calming Down about New Order

platy — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 01:31:14 +0000

It was 6 weeks before he returned to town. It was still fun, but the dynamic that made it so thrilling, exciting and potentially dangerous to me is gone. It’s still nice, but if I don’t see him again, it doesn’t matter. I think part of the reason is that too much time passed. Or maybe I am just being more realistic.